Thursday, March 8, 2018

My Big Phat Phab Life........

Not sure I have anything to blame this on except two full moons in March, a blue moon, mercury hit my garage, Kirby gave me the stink eye, post Olympic depression, Chaos rising? 

My latest text to kids.....

"Hey, I'm sitting in a random parking lot waiting for a guy named Brian to show up with his ex-wife's brand spank'n new Kitchen Aid food processor.  If your Dad texts looking for me just tell him I'm on a secret mission.  I have my blind attack dog, so no worries ..... oh and I'm sitting under a street light."

So many questions from this text...... like WHY?

The down hill slide started early last week when two show applications showed up as "rejected".  
I read it 10 or maybe 20 times because my master plan was; close the gallery, buy a van, trick it out for shows and turn the radio up on the headbangers ball channel while making a shit ton of pots.  So now I have a van and no shows..... kind of gobsmacked by this shift in the paradigm of my business plan; still got the headbangers ball channel on loud though.  

Then I realized I had all this time on my hands and I really didn't need to go to the studio and what does every body in a state of panic do.... stock the pantry Ethel!!  We're not gonna starve!  

I started cooking down those chickens in the freezer and made 20 quarts of stock! 
So those chickens paid off in spades!  9 chickens produced 20 quarts of stock, endless piles of eggs for three years, compost I'm still spreading, a liter of golden schmaltz and hours of entertainment. 
The chickens kind of paid for themselves as the eggs were sold for $3 a dozen.  Oh and did I mention they also work as a garbage disposal and bug eradicator.  And helped Rufus, the neighborhood badass cat, kill countless voles and moles around the garden.  So the chickens are clearly winning...... no wait they are in the pot, maybe not so much for them.

and then I made pasta in the food processor...... 
I have had a Cuisinart for 30 years; gone through two now.  The motors are fine but the plastic bowls fall apart and you can't engage the motor without the locking bowl and lid.  Replacing those parts run around $60-$80 depending on the model.  Argh, not now!  I pried the lid off with screwdriver to release my trapped pasta dough and realized it had just whizzed it's last batch of pasta dough.  
So while the noodles dried, I jumped on Craigslist...... 

and I made pasta and then started wondering if Cuisinart was still a good product because I was noticing a lot of grumbling on food processor chat panels.  Food processor users were in full on revolt with everything from customer service to exploding blades.  Yikes! 


and by Tuesday morning I was pretty sure I was going for something other than a new Cuisinart and found a listing for a Kitchen Aid 12 cup for $80.00; touting BRAND NEW, still in box.  
So I went for it. 
Brian emailed back right away and I called him and heard the wayward story about how his ex-wife had just left it behind.  OK after 2 minutes on the phone with Brian I was kind of thinking I would probably like Brians ex-wife .  
But I really needed a food processor and this was pretty nice so I proceeded onward.  OK if you read the last blog about my wood stove guy I cannot believe one of you blog readers didn't run up here and clobber me with the kraut mallet! 


read his thought bubble.....  

Soooooo off we went to a busy parking lot, with the plan to meet at 6:30 - 6:45 pm.  Brian had texted me to contact him around 2 or 3 pm to make sure I was still in.  I emailed Brian at 2:20 pm.  See you there I am in an empty white box van with my killer dog.  Brian emailed back, Kewl.  (red flag the kewl) 

Sitting under the light; I caught up on emails, talked to the dog and sang along to Carol King.... loudly!  6:45 pm; no Brian, no food processor.  Call Brian..... no answer, leave message.  Two seconds later he calls back; Are you there?  Ummm, you were supposed to call me. BRIAN!  This is food processor, I emailed you, are you secret squirrel?  And Brian says, I live 20 minutes away, can you wait?  YES BRIAN I CAN WAIT!  and my inside voice is like...... Brian you're an idiot and this is why you have an ex-wife.  And then thinking this was kind of a weird interaction I started wondering if he was just selling this out from under his real wife and she would show up and kill all of us.  Gawd, I hate Craigslist!  Maybe I can sell a couple more mugs and buy one from a real store.... with a coupon of course! 

By now Butch had called numerous times and offered to go to Bed Bath and Beyond with his 20% coupon (he gets me)  and buy a new food processor because he really likes homemade pasta and chopped veggies and pie.  I will call you the minute I have the contraband in my van and headed home, over and out!  

7:42 pm Brian plowed into the parking lot, alone thank you soooo much.  As suspected Brian was different.  He rolled out of his low rider (not really, just a car with no shocks) and said; Wow, nice van!  Whadda ya do with a van like that, oh wait I bet you work for Amazon or something.  Ok Brian made me laugh!  No Brian I'm a potter.  Whoa, what's that?  OMG BRIAN DO YOU HAVE A FOOD PROCESSOR?  Ummmm, yes I do.  And thank the food prep gods on high he pulled a shiny new food processor out of his car complete with accessories!  
While he handed it over he kept asking me if I ate a lot of healthy food and healthy food is really good for you.  So asked him why he didn't keep it?  Nope too scary for him..... kind of like me in this parking lot with Killer snoring in the van?  Here's $80.00, gotta go!  Thanks.  

Home and TA-DA! 

and it works like a charm and it still had the styrofoam between the blades! 
It really is brand new, although older.  The bowl is significantly heavier than the Cuisinart and it has a great little inner bowl for small stuff!  With my Cuisinart I had to buy yet another appliance and I did, I bought a $10 slap chopper that I love! 

During all this food processing I've had time to peruse Craigslist and have found all kinds of stuff I really need!
On Saturday I am meeting a woman in yet another parking lot and picking up a ramp for my van!  No more picking up a 91 pound usually wet dog to go for a ride.  He will be able to walk in the van! 
 $25 is one third the price of visit to the chiropractor!  This purchase is a 2-pher; Kirby and me! 
Found a guy named Bob who made a couple chairs for his daughter and seems he couldn't stop so now he sells a few on Craigslist.  He lives out in the middle of no mans land and he's retired.  So I bought two chairs for my fire pit and this time I'm taking Butch and Kirby with me on Saturday. 
Oh and I don't think Bob is making any money as they are $60 which is more than the wood and screws would have cost me!  And it keeps an old guy busy with power tools and off the streets! 

I have time to perfect my moscow mules and sit in one of these chairs,
drink a Moscow Mule and watch a few chickens this year!  


sometimes stuff like craigslist works and sometimes it's scary ..... just like my business plan.

And as to the politics in the country at the moment


  1. Awesome score! I need a new food processor and have been undecided between the kitchen aid and a cuisinart. You may have helped with my decision making. Now I have to find a good sale... and a coupon.

  2. Hi Michèle! My dream machine is the Breville but for all around good machine I'm pretty impressed with Kitchen Aid! The new models have a bigger feed tube, which I will miss and 14 cups would have probably been better than 12 cups if you make a lot of coleslaw, sauerkraut, kimchi etc. I was surprised how many were available on Craigslist! I think people give these as gifts and many have no idea what to do with them.
    Kind of can't live without one now........ can't wait to see what you get!!

  3. good trading! Idon't need more gadgets...I need shelves to keep the ones I use tidy, so that I have a clear kitchen bench!!

  4. Hi gz! I'm down to basics and if it will save me time during canning season and do double time chopping veg, making pasta dough and salad dressings..... I'm in. I do use it almost everyday and as I have no cupboard doors, my kitchen stays pretty clean, especially the work bench :)

  5. So glad you are back and blogging again. Always entertaining! Thank you.

  6. Thanks for stopping by! I have time again :)

  7. OMG, kiddo! ... you and your warped sense of humour arrived just at the right time ... me feeling blecky and tired after too long a day doing nothing I wanted or needed to do (I think the whole week has been like this) Now that my stress hormones have been replaced with laugh gas I need to go change my pants because, as you and others our age know, we can no longer laugh long and hard without leaking ... thank you! and kisses for Killer!

  8. YOU my friend , are seriously the BEST !
    Love yr GUTS ...and my italian MAMMA would have loved that food processor !! xx

  9. Brenda! Argh it’s winter! They just announced on or weather report we are 196% above our normal snow fall 😳. And didn’t that make blow Coffee out my nose? Last year 24 days with snow and this 60....I am flat out cabin crazy! I’ve taken to seed packet fondling. And yes isn’t this growing old crap entertaining...... it’s like my body has a completely different game plan than my brain..... one more cup of coffee and I’m on my way to the studio...... really.... I swear.... and maybe a slice of pie before I head out ....

    Omg I just saw a tv ad for the pretty lady nail salon and martini bar 😳. After they see these hands they will need a martini! 😂

  10. Adriana! Pasta for everyone! 😂 and a glass of wine!

    Back at'cha sweetie ❤️❤️❣️

  11. Hi, PotterMiller!

    I don't know you but I followed you here from GZ's blog "ook?!", and the other day I spend a couple hours reading your archive and enjoying it a LOT---especially the saga of Kirby, which is funny (how could any dog ignore that beautiful bed? usually you can't keep them OFF the bed) and touching.
    It's like in the big lottery of life, you two won each other.

    I also love your pottery! The ones that are tied down are extra cool to me.
    I like things that are closed like that---like wrapped up presents, or books in slipcases, etc.

    I'm not a potter, but I have thrown a few lumpy pots that are such distant cousins of your elegant creations, they wouldn't even recognize each other as family if they ran into each other at a wedding--but the experience of making them does give me some admiration and understanding of the art.

    Uh, anyway, I didn't want to read anything that makes me laugh without saying hi--good job. So: GOOD JOB!

  12. Hi Fresca! Wow! Thanks for stopping by and reading. Of course I have to run over to your blog and whoa had a nice read about everything from bears to non-apologies and politics ...... I haven’t quite figure out how to herd my outrage into blog posts yet; suppose I could just 'er fly.
    Naaaaa back to pottery and Kirby 🤣. Big thanks on the pottery! Keep chuckling!

  13. You are a marvellous writer, and your blog is a delight to read, thank you for making me laugh and think... all at the same time (a form of multi-tasking that is very good for my ageing brain!). Sorry your business plan has had set back, but hope that fresh opportunities open up for you. A great food processor.... I wonder if it would speed up glaze preparation, I imagine a stubborn ash glaze would be made as smooth as silk in no time at all!

  14. Good Morning Peter, thank you for stopping by! I do have a stick blender for mixing up test glazes that I love! Those cornwall stone glazes are always a challenge to get smooth and silky and the stick blender helps immensely. I use an ash glaze that I make pretty thin and it goes through the sieve pretty easily. Lots of ash from the wood stove this long winter, all hardwood so might be interesting.

    Multitasking and my aging brain....... while making dinner last night and rolling pots and glazes around in my head; I had the chicken broth in my hand which was supposed to go in the soup pot and instead went in the dogs dish. The dog was thrilled, me not so much :) It's not looking good for me and multitasking LOL!

  15. After they see these hands they will need a martini! 😂

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