Saturday, July 7, 2018

This place could kill one of us.......



We just lived through a 7 day heat streak!  When it's over 90F with a 100F heat index stick a fork in me!   It was sticky, sweaty, steamy, sultry and gross!  By the time I walked to the studio my granny panties had worked themselves into a geriatric thong thus strangling my lady garden!  I was all about indoor sports but alas the giant stone truck pulled in and dropped a couple pallets of 80 pounds stones in the driveway.  Then the dump truck showed up and dumped 2 tons of limestone screenings in front of the pallets of stones.  Pyramids? I did not order any of this but as I do not live alone I figured out who did and it wasn't the dog!  Friday night B. Miller rolled in the driveway as the temperature was a cool 93F.  He ran in the house, changed and started stacking 80 pound stones in drive.  I watched from the studio window waiting for him to pass out.  By 10 pm we had a lovely stone column in the middle of the driveway.  I walked in from the studio and mentioned his placement was a bit off.  "No worries I just wanted to see how they looked."  Here is that Men are from Mars and Women from Venus thing.  I looked at a stack of stones and pretty much knew exactly how they would look, he did not and thought it would be easier to toss 80 pound Legos into a column.  But then I would not be tossing anything around in 90 degree weather.  I figured once he saw it the thrill would wear off and we would postpone this project until next weekend when the temperatures would surely be dropping.

Saturday morning and he was on it!  Mars has hit my garage again!  Seriously?  He trenched, moved screenings into the trench and rebuilt the wall a couple times to get it level....... I brought the studio fan out on the patio and a gallon of ice water.  Heat Index 102F.  I got my state sales tax reports done and filed, desk cleaned, monthly reports and bills done and took Kirby to the river for a swim.  He stacked and re-stacked until after 10 pm.  I'm not sure how he was standing.


Sunday morning I looked out the back door and ordered a helmet for Kirby...... 
I also pointed out that Sunday was going to hotter than Saturday so maybe a break was in order.
And he suggested a hike....... but there is no air and I don't have a fan with an extension cord long enough.  After an hour of hiking, the dog and I went back to the river and refused to get out of the river; send me a postcard from the top of hill.  We returned home around 10 am and he jumped back on the wall.  I went to the studio and Kirby retreated to an upstairs bedroom with air conditioner.  By this time the dog was winning the IQ test and at the top of the gene pool.  


Sunday night around 8 pm the wall was done.  I seriously don't know how he survived.  
He has taken me lantern shopping and is all a twitter with the thought of Jack-o-Lanterns at Halloween and Christmas trees on the columns for Christmas..... EXCUSE ME the giant wreath alert! It's still hanging on the front of house.  The robins have hatched a lovely family out of that wreath but now they're gone, the babies are having babies in that wreath and maybe the wreath should go?  "But it looks great there!"  But it has a big red bow and twinkle lights..... and my Venus voice said; Pick your battles; just plant a tree to hide the wreath. Much easier! 



He rolled out the door Monday morning but stopped to put his coffee cup on the column and sit on the wall before he hopped in the car.  And Rufus approves and likes it better than the post with the electric fence stapled to it.  I haven't seen him in the back since blue sparks flew off the end of his nose but we're still besties.

 

On Wednesday and Thursday I weeded while spot watering with soaker hoses.  By 2 pm I was toast and ran in the house to shower and catch up on emails.  I jumped out of the shower and thought OH why won't this mulch wash off........ BECAUSE IT'S A TICK YOU IDIOT!  How a tick got inside my sports bra I will never know.  Mulch I totally get as most days you cannot distinguish me from a Chia Pet.  You're not really a gardener unless you jump in the shower and there is a brown trickle of water running down the drain.  But a tick, argh!!  I dropped it in a cap of 70% alcohol while I ran for my glasses to make sure I wasn't killing a piece of mulch with legs.  It was still living when I returned!  So I held it with tweezer and lit it on fire....... POOF!  crispy and flushed!  And I spent the next 3 days tick checking every 5 minutes.  Seriously what purpose do ticks serve?  I am ordering a truck load of chickens and couple opossums for tick control!

I spent two days dragging the hose around trying to save tender plants.  By Friday morning the heat wave broke, the wind shifted and cools breezes rolled across Lake Erie.  We're gonna live!

I was giddy on Friday morning with a morning temperature of 68F and in my euphoria I ran in and ordered 5 yards of compost as my compost pile was running low.  Then I realized there was 1 1/2 tons of leftover screenings in the driveway.  Thank you compost gods on high, the truck wasn't arriving until late in the day.  I got the wheel barrow out and started speed spreading screening on the way back garden paths.  Who runs with a wheel barrow of screenings?  In my rush, guess who accosted herself with the damn electric fence.  The electric fence is a bit stronger than I remember and I took a knee and let out an a sound something like a wounded wildebeest and then checked my heart.  I hit it with my shoulder while slinging screening.  I probably should have sat down but the compost was coming and this stuff needed to be gone.  My neck was sore and I had developed a stutter but I was panicked to get the pile gone.  B. Miller was working from home on Friday as those freak'n patio doors were going to be dropped off and they needed help getting it off the truck.  Then the "Dudes" were coming in the morning....... could this week get any better?   I use a metal shovel on an asphalt driveway and while sitting at his desk he noticed the frenzy of the scraping.  He left his paperwork to see if he could help.  As I was still a little dizzy from my fence run in, I said; Sure!  I cautioned him not to touch the fence.  He offered to wheel back the screening and I could spread them on the paths.  Cool.  First load went well!  The second load as I manically spread stone I heard the sound of the wildebeest only this time swearing.  I looked over my should and he was on the ground.  Sonofabitch.........  And then he said....... Ya know after the first fatal shock most people would have turned the fence off.  Whoa!  I pointed out the robins were sitting on the electric fence wire watching us and why weren't they fried.  He just looked at me ....... they're not grounded.  They are the most grounded bird I watch, they're very calm.  And he rolled his eyes and said; If you jump in the air and touch the fence you won't get nailed either.  Really?  Should we try this?  And thank GOD the compost truck pulled in the driveway!



I keep asking myself .......... does Penelope Hobhouse have weeks like this?  Would a tick end up in her sports bra?  Has she been shocked into a stupor?  Does she have "Dudes"?



and the Dudes only took 5 hours to get the door in and now we can really see that wall!  I think we are almost ready for a party...... if we live through all this summer.



6 comments:

  1. Always love your posts, but this one is top-notch.
    Neighbors had an electric fence to keep critters out of the garden at night. They were then treated to the sound of racoons squealing as the climbed one of the metal fence posts to get into the garden.
    Ain’t it fun, livin’ on the farm?

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    1. Suzi! I love when people think gardeners stroll around with a basket, big floppy hat and a pair of pruners snipping flowers for the entry way table..... there are days it’s just a war out there and I’m loosing 🤣👍🏻

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  2. I can't believe you guys got all that done in the heat. I did the bare minimum the last two weeks. Right now we are enjoying a short reprieve and I am loving it. Time to get some weeding done.

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    1. Hi Michèle! We are on reprieve up here too although a bit warm today. Seems to be an up and down kind of summer. Strategic planning is in order ☺️ Couldn’t believe Butch worked in that heat! Not sure how he willed himself to do it but we are enjoying it!! Weeded today and spreed compost before it gets unbearable again! Stay cool!

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  3. Your sense of humor encourages me! I never get people of the "a garden is to be enjoyed" variety...
    To me life proceeds more along the lines of,
    "Where did this 2-ton pile of rock in the middle of my life come from, and what am I going to do about it?!?!?"

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    1. Hi Fresca!! LOL oh ya a garden is too be enjoy by those who employ gardeners or landscapers! finished spreading the last 1 1/2 tons of stone yesterday!! Garden Elation!

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