Monday, December 23, 2013

Dear God........

we are in the final stretch of holiday hell.....  I have shopped alone this year and it was good, but alas I have said the "F" word so much I can't even say the word gingerbread without working it in.  

In the car alone, miles of tail lights before me, the windows steamed up. Why?  Because I had on winter attire, shopped in an 85 degree store, stuck in a freezing car and breathing heavily.  Elvis belted out Blue Christmas on the radio and I wanted a cigarette!  I have not smoked in 25 years but there are those times I would smoke 'em if I had 'em.  A guy in a black Beamer, holding a cell phone to his ear with a hand sheathed in black leather driving gloves, jumped the curb and wedged in front of my bumper.......  I wrote the "F" word in the steam and pressed my lips to the glass.  Two stops later, more shopping, the windows had cleared and once again stuck in traffic, the windows again started to fog, the word just magically appeared.  I was sitting next to the Precious Cargo bus.  The busload of cherubic faces with busy fingers writing the "F" word back at me in their steamed windows.  Awesome.....  

OK, get a grip!  I dug in the bag of groceries and found the pink rubber band around the head of fresh broccoli, secured it over my wrist and every time I said the "F" word I snapped it.  By the time I got home I couldn't feel my fingers and my wrist had gone limp.  Maybe I should try my forehead! 
and it's only 8:30 a.m....... 

I was done, completely done, stick a fork in me.  The big ass ham had been scored, the sweet potatoes had been captured, presents lovingly picked out, everything else was in the freezer or garden, time to head for the barn.  The moat would be filled with alligators wearing red bows, the sniper towers would be decorated with holly berry trim, the razor wire was secure and lit in red and grean!  Merry "F'n" Christmas........SNAP!  I snapped so hard the Christmas trees fell off my socks.   

I am safe, I am in the bubble....... I have coffee, I walk around the compound and breath, I cannot leave until holiday crazies are over.  

Thankfully, yesterday was glorious!  The sun came out after three hard days of rain, temperatures soared into the high 50's.  I got my kitchen stuff done and was out the door by noon.

The girls finally emerged from coop!  
Good Morning ladies!

The first sign of garlic planted in the fall!

The rosemary is snug, insulated with leaves.  

It was warm enough to work the compost pile for a bit.

I broke out the shovels and moved the elderberry.  This was a project slated for last fall but it never got done.  It haunted me!  Finishing this one project made me happier than a visit from Santa! 

This is Betina, how do I know it's Betina.  She is bald.  The other girls have pecked her bald.  Betina is broody and loves to sit on the eggs all day while reading the 50 Shades of Beige.  There will be a line to use the nesting box, there are three nesting boxes but they only like on particular box, the one Betina is sitting in.  They will peck at her until she is bleeding and still she sits, undeterred by the bullying. 
I think Batina would smoke cigarettes if she had 'em too.   

This cuckoo maran hen has stopped laying, you can tell by the pink comb, should be bright red and no wattles to speak of, thus no eggs.  I followed this molting hen around singing:  
Chickens roasting on an open fire, 
Bourbon nipping at my nose
Farmers lighting their stoves with a glow.
Will find it hard to wait for pork......  

Batina looked on and laughed! 

Sunday was so nice I dug the last row of potatoes while the chickens gobbled cut worms like they were butter pecan ice cream!  

The sour dough bread is coming along nicely!  

And the ginger beer is really getting good!   I made enough to freeze two pints and this large green bottle kept in the fridge. 
This is pretty simple to make!  1 cup of ginger (I run it through the food processor),  1 grated lime peel and all the juice of the lime,  2 cups of honey, 1 cup of sugar,  4 cups of water.  Bring to a low boil, turn down and simmer for 12 minutes.  Turn off the heat, let stand for an hour, strain through cheese cloth and bottle.  I use 2 tablespoons of the syrup to 12 oz. glass.  Top it off with sparkling water and ice.  Also good with a splash of pineapple juice if you have it.  Also really good with a shot of rum, if you have it! 

Now we can say Merry Christmas!  Well not yet as we are out of bourbon and the liquor store doesn't open until noon!  


  1. I love your humor and am laughing my ass off.. I will check later to see how much of it is gone! Ha,ha...I was out this morning also.. Isn't amazing how a certain word fits right in to so many sentences? That is if you still can put a sentence together. I can't right now.. Maybe later! Have a wonderful Christmas!!

  2. Ro! Yup, the most wonderful time of the year :)
    Have great holidays!

  3. I love a good 4 letter word. I am part sailor I think. I have tried so hard not to use them but they roll off me like water on a duck.
    I shopped from home this year. Sat right here pulled up the kid's wish lists and gave money to the devil who will soon own us all.
    The big A.
    I am looking forward to some time.
    Merry Christmas!

  4. A day without the f word is like a day with out sunshine around my house! I wouldn't even bother with the rubber band.
    I got my husband a pair of socks for Christmas that say
    F*** this S*** ( edited for your readers just in case!) they are so funny
    Merry Christmas to you and your family,it's been a great year,reading your blog!

  5. Ha! Meredith, Tracey, oh it's so true! I didn't realize how bad I was until my precious two and half year old daughter blurted out, while we stuck in traffic.... Mom what is that smell? I sighed and said; It's hot asphalt. Mom! it's not our fault it's ASS FAULT. SNAP!

    Have great holidays! May the Santa be with you both :)

    Tracey I need the socks!!

  6. Sandy, I got him this too, you need one!

  7. Wonderful writing..., there is something about being in a war zone that brings out the most vivid prose! War zone? No it is Christmas! Hope that you have a lovely Christmas in spite of the stress getting to the day. I still haven't done Christmas shopping, or sent cards.... and feel bad about it, but we have the gallery open and I have been finishing orders. Still a few more hours left so I might send a card or two now!
    Happy Christmas!

  8. LMAO! ... Again... Thanks for howl ... Merry Christmas to you and yours. I look forward to Paine Falls 2014. ... Brenda

  9. LOL! Oh Tracey I need a set! Hey, thanks for the link! Wondering if Amazon can "drone" them in for the holiday table :)

    May we all laugh a bit more and cry a little less this holiday season :) !

  10. Merry Christmas Peter! You know I am now thinking it's not the stress of the day, it's the stress of not getting to the clay! Got into the studio late yesterday afternoon to start filling a few orders and make mugs ......... everything melted away and life was good!

    Ha! I used to spend a month making cards and sending them out. I still get them out every year and stack them on my desk. Every Dec. 26 I blow the dust off and put them away ....... again. It has saved me hundreds of dollars in hindsight :)

    Have a wonderful holiday! and keep the shop open with a pot of tea on!

  11. Merry Christmas Brenda! ........ as the wheel spins...... Boy am I ready to put 2013 to bed and see how 2014 shakes out in Paine Falls! I say bring on the bubbly and lets get through this red and green stuff :) Hang on to your snow man socks and let the unwrapping begin :) Ho Ho Ho!

  12. The true meaning of the holidays: Inflict enough pain and discomfort that it feels good when it stops.

  13. Your fucking (snap) Christmas present will be late this year!

  14. See Dolita you can insert that word anywhere! We need a visit and two fingers of bourbon! I fed the alligators this morning the postman will never get through! Have fun with your houseful!

  15. Morning John :)

    I am tucked in here at the compound and have a mimosa on my desk, while the wood fire crackles in the back ground! The snow is falling and right now the bleeding has stopped! Not out of of the tunnel yet but Oooooo so close!

    Have a grand holiday at your place!

  16. Still trying to post here. So look forward to your posts.

  17. HURRAY, I'm finally in. Merry Christmas Sandy, I'll have a toast to you tonight. Betsy

  18. You made it! Welcome!
    Merry Christmas Betsy! Have a wonderful evening :)

  19. Merry Christmas!
    Happy that you found a path out of the maze of Holiday Hell and back to the bourbon!

  20. Merry Christmas to you Suzi! It's over! we survived, headed out to the studio...... gently snowing, bird feeder is busy and life is good:)