Sandy Miller Pottery & Garden: YEAH!!! BEST BIRTHDAY ...... EVER!

I expected party hats and candles but this is waaaayyyy better!!

Farley and I have been at war since early spring. Farley tasted the peas to the ground and then the tiny little squash plants. He worked his way under the Berlin wall of a fence I installed and languidly ate his way through three plantings of beans.

He tasted the peppers but turned his back to consume a row of tender lettuce shoots. Shoots, finally a word I can identify with! Sniper Towers? Not yet.

Yes it was me in the shadow of the early morning moonglow dressed in a tattered summer nighty, night vision goggles and scalding cup of coffee, waiting .......... and there he was skulking around the corner of studio on his way to the garden! Do you see the frenzy going on here?

I summoned my trusty dog, snoring louder than a buzz saw in windstorm. GET FARLEY! I commanded as I yanked open the patio door!! He rolled over; maybe tomorrow.

I am trading you in on Corgi I whispered through clenched teeth......

Better! Electric fence!

(and why is the sign in three languages? Are ground hogs really tri-lingual?)

Not wanting to fry the neighborhood dog, cat or kids I opted for the battery powered zapper. The guy at the Farm and Tractor Supply assured me it would work gently. As he walked me to the register past the arsenal of guns and ammo I told him I might be back.

Running home and ripping open the plastic wrapper I looked at the picture directions. Looked easy enough and promised to cover an acre of land. I only needed a small garden, this is diabolically perfect! And batteries! After two hours running wire and whacking in posts I was ready to launch. I am ashamed to say I had visions of fried groundhog hanging on the fence.

Then the question to my dear husband who actually offered to help install the electric fence; Is it on? How can we tell? You touch it! No, you touch it........ where's the dog?

I finally licked my fingers and grabbed the wire. Nothing......... the lights are on and nobody's home!

Re-wired, check connections and batteries, hooked up a little amp meter and there wasn't enough juice to fry a worm. Back to the Farm and Tractor store in the morning....... a new guy walked me back through the guns and ammo. Not yet I told myself....... this time I opted for the, plug in the wall charge. I kept asking; "how many volts?" Well it's enough to keep them out of your garden. Cool! Back through the guns to check out...... not yet I muttered.

Back home to re-install....... more power, I must have more POWER!

Game ON Farley!

Hav-A-Hearts set with apples, check.

Electric Fence plugged in, check.

Bamboo spike trenches, check.

Flaming moat surrounding the garden, check.

Back to mulching in the potatoes and berry bushes.

On my way back to the truck I noticed the trap was sprung! YES!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I had planned to put him out of his misery and let the coyotes have him but there he was trapped.

OK you are way too small so I guess you can go up to the Super Fund toxic waste field. As I picked up the cage he charged the cage, poked his little grubby hands through the holes next to the handle to claw his way out through my hand. Geeze, what a fur ball with attitude!

Farley was last seen running through the field to the apple tree.

Pulling in the driveway and feeling pretty good about life I ran in the house to grab coffee and go to the studio. As I hit the back step I looked out the window and there in my cross hairs was Mrs G. Hog out with Farley's two siblings; Frenchy and Flannery!!!!!!!! Count them, three more groundhogs!

It's true what they say; You never have one ground hog!!

It's gonna be a long summer........

So before the garden is eaten to the ground here's a tour.