Jumped out of the shower the other morning and swore I saw a poster for the fertility goddess in the bathroom. Crap....... it's the mirror. I hate January. After Christmas, no sun, too much food and drink and then one day it all catches up and there you are naked in front of the bathroom mirror asking yourself ...... who let her in here?
Rachael got on the plane January 6th, Zeus passed January 7th and I strapped on my shoes January 8th. The first day I made it 2 1/2 miles and felt pretty good about it. The next day sick, sick, sick but walked anyway. A day off drinking tea but back at it the next. While I was lounging around I downloaded a new pedometer app on my iPod. Headed out the next morning, plugged myself in and logged three laps around the cemetery. Years ago I measured the lap around the cemetery with a very precise device used on construction sites. I walked the perimeter and it logged 1.1 miles. I have been walking that loop for 28 years. I walked three laps, 3.3 miles but the app said it was only 2 miles and a few thousand steps. That can't possibly be right so I logged 3.3 miles on the calendar and high five-ed myself.
I got to thinking how many steps do I need to stay fit. Google found several sites alerting me to 10,000 steps per day. No problem! What's a few more laps.
Today I scheduled a hike with garden pal Maggie. We hit Lake Shore Park in Perry at 12:30 p.m. and had a good walk. Forgot the pedometer. Home by 3:00 p.m. grabbed lunch and thought before I go to the studio I should go for a quick couple laps to hit 10,000 steps. I left the house at 4:50 p.m. Did a lap, checked my steps; 3246. Crap..... keep walking!
Thought I would head down the hill into town. Down the hill and standing in front of me...... 13 deer. I stood there, they looked back and chewed. Two more jumped across the road, that's 15. I thought Wow that's a pretty good herd and kept walking. 1500 feet to the bridge and there stood another 9 deer. They were standing knee deep in trash somebody had tossed. They looked at me, waiting. Did you bring us anything ..... like another lawn chair or sleeping bag? Doesn't Buck look silly with that McDonald's cup stuck on his antler. Well yes he does! They took off down the river. I started understanding who was pruning my arborvitae in the middle of the night. More deer over the bridge next to the baseball fields..... I stopped counting. This is sort of an urban area and we have this many deer? As I walked to town I started doing the math..... I saw one big buck, the rest does. If I a still walking in the Spring I will be trampled by deer!
Rounded the square and headed for home, it was getting dark. I checked my steps...... 5335. More than half way there but I had been walking along time at 3.0 miles per hour according to my super duper pedometer. Down the hill, over the river, no deer. Up the hill and hit my drive way just about the time the streetlights were going on. 6,476 steps. Take one more lap. It's dark! Do it! After 28 years walking that cemetery I could walk it blindfolded. The back of the cemetery is pretty dark, I could barely see the road, the stars were out. I could hear raccoons scurrying up and down the trees. Here she comes again..... then in the dark of the night something glowed on the ground at the back road. You see a lot of stuff walking and I have walked a lot over the years but never ever have I seen anything like this! I walked closer, it kept glowing. Do we have poison dart frogs or weird fungus in Ohio, what is that. And then my brain kicked in...... avert your eyes, avert your eyes!!! Surely my brain has lost all oxygen and I am seeing things, I have walked too long and I must go home..... is this really a glow in the dark condom? Oh please let this be from the deer! The raccoons fell out of the tree laughing.
Disgusted, grossed out and gasping for air I headed for home. I think I get extra steps for ranting about trash and stupid humans and thank God the deer are putting Pampers on their little ones because how many of those would I see in the park! I made 8,600 steps. Maybe my early walk with Maggie filled in the last thousand steps. I'm thinking just the shock of seeing a glow in the dark condom added 3,000 steps. I had walked all day and not made 10,000 steps! Who has time to walk 10,000 steps? I did nothing but walk today and into the night.
I made a really healthy dinner and around 8:30 pm had a bowl of ice cream to quell my visions of glowing things in the cemetery.
Tomorrow I am walking out to the studio..........
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