I'm in Hell and my pants are on fire......

 What can possibly happen in a few weeks since my last post..... oh so much.  

I had to adult, I hate adulting and I suck at adulting. 

How did you start your day?  Here is my view: a seat the local social security office....... 

I tried to register for social security during covid when everything was closed and I was told: "It's so easy, do it online!"  I did...... for days I entered codes, information only to be kicked off or "please call the Social Security Office". I spent days on hold until I finally got a lovely woman who said: I'm not getting off this call until we have you signed up!  She was great and could not figure out why I could not log on either.  Then she said the magic words:  "We'll just go in the backdoor."  I didn't care I'd have taken a flaming door to Hell at that point.  However, she did it and I started having money appear in my account every month, it was magic.  Well after spending last week filing my annual taxes, I realized I didn't take any deductions out for taxes.  Sooooo I spent yesterday in Social Security purgatory.  I sat at my desk with my cell phone to one ear and a landline to my other ear.  One to the federal office and one to the local office.  The federal office had a 10 minute lead on the local office.  The local office won after 22 minutes on hold, a real person answered the phone!  I was told I had to physically go down to the office and someone had to set up the account.  Kill me now I thought.  I have been to this office before, it never goes well.  The rows of black chairs, the smell of sanitizer, the shiny floors, the very public bathroom, the armed guard with a revolver, mace, handcuffs a P38 and a belt just full of misbehaving toys. I walked up to an electronic greeter box and punched in my SSN#, my reason for being there and it spit out a number.  I am #40, the board states they are serving 936-A.  One window was open and two other windows were rolled down, hurricane armored shut. One woman behind a hermetically sealed, bulletproof glass, serving a room full of humanity; wheezing, sleeping, whispering in foreign languages.... humanity. Exactly, where does #40 fit into this number sequence?  It took me a minute but quickly realized 3 numbers and letter were for Hispanic customers only.  Sure enough, as I waited and waited, I realized the couple in front of me spoke not a word of English and the woman at the window spoke not a word of Spanish.  They were using google translator off the woman's phone to try and get something done.  They went back and forth and back and forth and questions were asked 3-5 times.  The woman behind the glass kept asking and smiling. I felt like I was in a game of bad charades; SOUNDS LIKE, 4 LETTERS, try again....  Then the man had to go back out to his car......to retrieve even more papers while the room waited.  Yes, please kill me.  Hey!  I have my papers!! I can be outta here in two minutes, I swear!  We live in a community with a huge influx of migrant workers every Spring.  Every Spring the nurseries bring them into the Social Security office by the bus loads, 30 at a time, every Fall they return home and the city empties out.  It's like the cycle of lemmings or migrating wildebeests.  You cannot stop it, nor do I want to stop it; as the nurseries support this community, we have over 100 nurseries in Lake County, Ohio.  We ship stock all over the country.  It's hard work and doesn't pay very well, I know, I worked in the industry.  Not many want to work this hard for this little pay. 

I beat the buses but still had to watch this unfold.  I sat in a room with a man in a wheel chair who was very chatty, a woman on an oxygen tank who finally couldn't take it anymore and went out side for cig.  I almost followed her, we could have both gone up in a vapor if the oxygen tank leaked and the smiling security officer.  There were so many others; sleeping is good way to pass your time waiting but what if they call your number and your snoring away in the back of the room, drool running out the corner of your mouth.  Do I really need Social Security, can I live without it, is this all worth it, am I this fucking old...... maybe but that would be un-American. Right?   I endured......everyone lived but why I can't I get this on Amazon? 

A couple months ago a letter showed up in my mailbox from these folks: 

AUTOMOTIVE TESTING FCA US LLC

My 2017 Dodge Promaster City van is on the hit list for an emissions test IUVP (In-Use Verification Program, regulated by the Federal Clean Air Act through the Environmental Protection Agency and the Air Resources Board, which requires vehicle manufacturers to conduct emissions  tests on randomized, privately owned vehicles.  And they picked my van...... 40,483 were sold in the US and my van got picked, should I buy a lottery ticket? They called several times, I answered a bunch of questions and they made it sound like I won the lottery.  I did not but I care about the planet!  A guy drove to my house from Ann Arbor, MI this morning and picked up my van for 4-5 weeks of testing and left me with this.....

I get a full tank of gas, unlimited mileage and a $500 check for a the duration of time.  Kirby hates it!  It has seats, no spacious back area with his orthopedic bed but he has a window...... but wait, he can't see. The interior is black, really clean black, the blackest fabric that works like a magnet for a big yellow dog during shedding season.  Bless the person at the rental agency who has to clean this vehicle when it gets back to Ann Arbor.  I explained my van was a work vehicle (I work in white porcelain and stoneware) and a yellow dog transport vehicle.  This is what they bring.  My van has a key, this has button.  It took me fifteen minutes to adjust the seat, mirrors and figure out how to start it.  I drove it to the Social Security office, I almost backed over a little black Kia.  After Social Security I made my monthly trip for supplies; Sam's Club, Trader Joes and Aldi's.  I never figured out how to open the tail gate and it still remains a mystery.  I rode home with a rotisserie chicken in the front seat and groceries packed in the wheel wells.  Bells and alarms going off constantly.  

Then this happened.......

The washer and dryer we ordered Feb 20th and finally showed up.  On a rainy Saturday, the guys unloaded the truck in the driveway and I moved my van.  I walked up the driveway and noticed the dryer looked funny.  I asked the kid; You know this is a stackable set right?  He backed up and looked at it a couple times, snapped his fingers, pointed at me and said: Bingo, you have a good eye.  It's the wrong dryer.  Great.  So they hooked up the washer and I ran back to Lowe's trying to figure out where my dryer was sitting.   Nothing, crickets....... someone will call you tomorrow morning.  I waited and waited.  Finally the delivery company called me and said; the sales guy had ordered the wrong dryer.  How long will this one take to get here, I asked.  Oh, we have that one in stock all the time.  Wait, what?!  I had to wait 6 weeks because he said they had to get this dryer from the plant, where ever that might be!  Nope, we have these all the time.  So I could have had this a month ago?  Yes, ma'am and this one is $200.00 cheaper.  Great, I already paid for the other one.  The same guys came three days later with the correct dryer and set it up.  Back to Lowe's for a $200 refund and the extra parts.  I did not want a steam dryer but they charged us for all the hookups, $32.  Finally, home, read all the directions, load the washer and cannot get it to work for anything.  I called Lowe's to see if someone could walk me through all the read outs and prompts.  I called Maytag, they do not want talk to anybody, ever!  While I was on hold, I sat on my red stool and started punching buttons.  I actually got the door to lock and then nothing.  After I cursed it, cried a bit and kicked it, I finally figured out the the delivery guy never flipped the valve to turn the water on.  Fours hours of my life spent on a washing machine and don't even get me started on the dryer.  God, the rocks at the river are looking good!  Every thing has a delay and a button to hold and push for 3 seconds and don't forget the power button.  Lowe's wanted to charge us $40 for taking the old set away.  I asked if they could load it in my van?  They could!  I took it to the recycling center.  I pulled up on the scale, was directed to back into the yard and unload.  In muck and mud I opened the back doors of the van and pulled.  Nothing, I couldn't budge it.  I looked around for a "guy"....... yup there was a guy on a frontend loader.  Nope can't help.  So I wedged myself between the stacked set and my seats and pushed!  It moved a few inches, I pushed again, I took a deep breath and thought delivering my kids was easier than pushing this thing out of my van!  Finally it tipped out!  I stuck my tongue out at the frontend driver and drove back on the scale.  I had delivered a 260 pound baby!  I was handed $32.50 and I drove away feeling very good. 

It has been a crazy a month and now I am done.  

Back to gardens

Classes on wild edibles at Harbor Gardens in Ashtabula.

Walking out so many frustrations.....

washing stinking dogs......

mixed up my snacks.....

won't make that mistake again!  yuck! 😣

I might even make it back to the studio! 

Today, I drank coffee and walked....... I did a lot of adulting.