Wednesday, November 8, 2023

Poll Dancer or Pole Dancer?

 Oh lets start here first......



I'm a poll worker for the state of Ohio and yesterday was election day.  The poll I work at is in a small town, 10 minutes from my house.  A town you drive through to get somewhere else; the beach, a restaurant, a leg of the Buckeye Trail or boat storage/marina/yacht club.  They have one stop sign and a couple cops who watch it like a hawk!  It's a quiet town, nothing much goes on in this town; I love the post office because it's very small and during the holidays they put out homemade cookies or muffins.  There are two employees but they get you in and out the door, they smile the entire time and I love it!  So when I was assigned to the poll in this sleepy little town I was delighted!  This was my 4th election; the presidential election, a May election, a special election in August and the election yesterday.  I have been to every training session.  The last training session I walked away seriously thinking I did not want to work this election due to two issues on the ballot.  Issue One (abortion) and Issue Two (legalize marijuana).  Honestly the issues were not the issue; the way the issues were worded on the ballot was a big issue!  They were long, involved and very tricky with the wording.  If you did not pre-read the issues before you walked up to the voting machine there could be a few problems and there were! The machines would time out after 5 minutes if you didn't touch the screen or if you got frustrated and hit cancel, shutting the voting machine down.  Then you needed the secret code and had to get the ballot out of the machine.  And save that ballot because each ballot cost .30 per ballot and the BOE is on a very tight budget!  We were warned!  Of course people didn't read the issues pre-voting.  Ten minutes into our voting day 2 of our 4 machines shut down.  It was going to be a day!  

Money flooded in from outside and inside sources for both of these issues.  My house phone and cell phone rang constantly,  our mailbox was stuffed full, you couldn't get through anything broadcast or streamed without being bombarded by both sides of both issues.  
AND YET! There were still voters who stood at the ballot in agony, finally flagging down one of the poll workers; "Um what exactly does this say?"  (on both issues). "Sorry we can't help you with that, we can only help with the machines and checking you in.  The issues are posted over on the wall if you would like to go over read them."  Nope!  Not one person with questions took the time.  "Can I just leave it blank and vote against the road levy?"  Yes, you can.  (invisible head slap)  One guy showed up and wanted to vote for two mayors and just wouldn't take NO for an answer.  He like them both.  IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!  
Our day starts at 5:30 am, I get up at 4:30 am for chicken and dog duty and make gallons of coffee to last until 8:30 pm.  I pack a lunch, dinner, snacks and water.  I'm out the door and reporting for duty by 5:30 am.  We hang the signs, take the oath of office, turn on all the equipment, log security tags, cross check each other as there needs to be a Democrat and Republican doing each task, everything is checked and double checked.  If you have ever worried about the security of an election go spend some time as a poll worker.  
We keep the campaigners 100 feet away from the doors.  Yesterday we had an overly aggressive literature tyrant, who just would not back down after several encounters with our big burly poll rovers (guys who spend the day driving from poll to poll to make sure everything is moving along as it should).  Finally the Sheriff's dept. was called to action and the guy left but yelling; "I used to work for the board of elections and I am calling your supervisor!"   So much drama!!  Why didn't they just call the guy who was on the flyers, the guy running for township trustee and say: Hey, you have a jerk out here and here is what he's doing and wow is he costing you votes!  Hmmmmm....... would that work? 

The polls open at 6:30 am, there are alway the early birds who are knocking on the door at 5:45 am asking to vote.  Come back later.... and it's always a guy, why is that?  When the doors finally open at 6:30 am we had a line.  People headed to work, the place smells like soap and clean clothes.  People are patient and friendly.  Even when two of our machines went down 30 minutes into voting.  Our VLM (voting location manager) is awesome and got everything running again.  We only had 4 machines.  This group was mostly men.  At 8:00 am I looked up and we had a line of women, 100%!  They were all headed to work, chatting, reading the ballot samples, had their ID's out and voted quickly.  Not one machine timed out or canceled off.  Well Done.  10:30 am the brunch crowd shows up; white haired, retired, taking it slow and telling me; "Honey, I have all the time in the world".  Some funny and engaged, others lugging an oxygen tank and wheelchairs.  I thought somebody might have parked The Sunshine Bus Tour outside.  One grey haired guy with two canes, full of piss and vinegar just wanted to know where the voting machine was as he was only voting on Issue One (abortion). Seriously?  Sir you are 90 years old and you're worried about my uterus?  Could you even find one on an anatomical map?   The lunch crowd was dashing in on their lunch break.  The afternoon crowd was the best.  Again the grey haired regatta blew in but then we had a guy who reeked of pot and I was high just getting him to the voting machine.  You guessed it, I only wanna vote on one thing, will my ballot still count?  Yes, it will just hit print when you're finished.  He thanked me kindly and carried on.  Then there was the drunk guy who seemed fine but I don't think I'd light a match standing next to him.  He wife waited patiently for him at the door.  The grey haired gang of four, all wearing the T-shirt stating; "We the People...... are Pissed Off", alas they were friendly and jovial.  The woman who coughed the death cough from the time she walked in the door.  She coughed all over the machine, she coughed while I explained how the machine worked, she coughed while she put her ballot in the ballot box and just as her hand was on the door, she turned around and asked; "Does anyone have any hand sanitizer?"  Lady I am going to use it to bathe in and then hose down your voting machine!  The 3:30 - 6:30 pm crowd had come from work.  For the most part hard working people who do physical labor; men and woman.  Postal workers, UPS drivers, CarMax delivery guy, mechanics who didn't have time to wash up and they voted!  They stood in line and waited to vote.   We stayed busy the entire day.  The last guy came in with a broke ankle on a scooter at 7:26 pm and finished voting at 7:30 pm.  The VLM said: Lock the Door!  It was over, we made it.  We six woman looked at each other and said lets' pack this place up!  Our numbers need to tally out, provisional ballots counted and locked, machines broken down, signage pulled down and ready for the next election.  Everything sealed and tagged and logged by two people of opposing parties or an independent.  One gal counted the ballots 6 times and finally said; We can't do math after a day like this, I'm so tired!  But we made it work; everything was bagged, tagged, put away and loaded into the VLM's car and taken to the board of elections.  Someone from the opposing party must accompany the VLM to the Board of Elections and the was me.  Alas it was on my way home.   I ate my lunch and dinner salad at 9:00 pm and walked Kirby. Butch had been driving back and forth to take of Kirby so I could work the polls.  I watched the the results roll in....... Ohio you rocked it last night. 

I will forever remember the Mom's bringing in their daughters and showing them how to vote.  The little girls in pink tulle, twirling around their Mom while she voted wearing her Women Rights t-shirt.  The Dad who brought his teenage daughter in and voted and showed her how to vote because she would be voting in 4 years and explaining to her how important it was to vote.  The elderly who come out to vote because it's a social experience  This is America folks and it is important!  
To everyone who worked and everyone who voted....... I am humbled and thankful and tired today!  

and now back to my regularly scheduled pole work....... post hole digging fencing!






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