It's Dunderhead December........

 

The indoor pond.  Two years ago I invested .15 ea. for 5 goldfish.  They did great!  Last winter I brought them into the studio to live the cushy life in a 27 gallon black plastic storage container complete with pond plants, snacks and overhead lighting.  Unbeknownst to me, I also brought in tiny little pond snails that soon clogged the pump daily and covered the sides of the storage container.  

The fish didn't seem to mind.  Then merriment ensued and I found three fish had hurled themselves out of the container and onto the concrete floor, leaving me with two robust gold fish that seemed to get along just fine.  Spring arrived and they were unceremoniously dumped in the patio pond for another steamy summer.   They lived through the pond snakes, raccoons and me cooling my feet off on the hottest days.  They got bigger and bigger and I gave them names; Ralph and Ed (from the show The Honeymooners.... I am that old!)  They became part of my morning ritual: walk the dog, feed the dog, pick up dog poop, put the chicken feed out, visit with the chickens while I tossed them scratch grains, collect the trail cam video and feed the fish.  Then I could sit down, have coffee and watch the nightly carnage in the garden from my four legged neighbors off the trail cam footage.  

I did not have any trouble catching the fish in the pond last year, none, zero!  They didn't exactly jump into my bucket but it went pretty well.  This year they revolted!  And this year I had a coupon for nice glass aquarium we could put in the back room, an indoor pond.   I spent a rainy cold day on my hands and knees trying to catch two fish for over an hour and it was not going well!  I walked in the house defeated; fine, I'll just save my water hyacinths....... but the fish!  It's an ecosystem in that little pond.  I transferred 18 gallons of water to the tank and a few unfrozen plants.  I had coffee and realized, the indoor pond really needed a of couple fish.  The smart thing to do would be to trot back up to Pet Supplies and buy two more fish but then that would mean I would need to dig another pond because my two thug fish would eat them or chase them around the pond until that passed out and drown or offer them up to the raccoons.  I just needed to buck up and catch these fish!  I stood there looking at the two renegades swimming around flipping me the fin and then I had a moment of clarity; just empty the pond!  You have 250 gallons sitting in the rain barrels, it needs to be drained for winter storage, just drain all that rain water into the pond..... after you catch the fish!  Genius!  I thought I'd just pump out the water into the garden.  This will be a breeze.  Alas, it was so damn cold the hose was like moving concrete so I got the heat gun out and warmed it enough to bend it toward the garden.  But still so stiff I dismantled the waterfall to get to the hose.  So many rocks, so many big rocks but finally the pumping began.  It's a small pond but it's a deep pond.  I dug out this pond by hand and Rachael helped me haul and lay the stone.  I'm not sure how we did this because the pump was still pumping an hour later.  Well the hose had hose memory and was slowly recoiling and pumping half the water back in the pond.  Put a rock on the recalcitrant hose and went in for a re-fueling of caffeine and dry coat.  Came back out to the deep end still full of water and the pump sucking air at the other end.  Coffee down and start bailing.  I bailed and bailed and due to weather conditions I left my body and just aimlessly tossed water into the garden.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of gold and white.  RALPH, OMG,  so sorry!  Scooped him up from under the salvia and ran him in the house, plopping him in the tank.  He was a bit stunned but I was so happy!  One down and one to go.   I kept bailing, I bailed like a an idiot trying to put out a forest fire with a teaspoon of water and no large orange fish.

  I bailed all the way down to the muck at the bottom where I found my big frog wintering.  Oh so sorry!  At this point I realized I am no longer helping!  

I need a kayak to get across the patio.

I am now down to pond sludge and there is no big bright orange fish.  Is he wearing the cloak of invisibility?  Where is that stupid orange fish?  There is no water left in the pond, the frog looks pissed.  I scooped all the sludge and leaves out of the pond and took the offending ick back to the compost pile, where the chickens jumped on it!  Seriously Ick!  But nothing can go through dirt and debris like a chicken so I stood back and thought for sure they'd unearth Ed; I would jump in and save him just before a chicken decided Ed was lunch.  No fish.....   Back to the pond and ripped out all the salvia and alyssum, nothing.  OMG did he fall between the stones while I was madly bailing?  I disassembled the pond stones; outside and inside!  No fish!  I got the the squeegee and started moving water off the patio thinking I would see a gold flash.  No gold flash, no fish.....  By now I sat on the pile of cold stones and decided the I had failed the .15 fish from Pet Supplies and Ralph would just have a very lonely winter.  I looked around the patio and had so many tools out; a heat gun, rakes (yes, more than one) and buckets, it was carnage. By day three Ralph was doing just fine.  I sent off a prayer of Godspeed to the giant heavenly pond above and wished Ed well on his next journey while I apologized profusely.  I put the stones back, hooked up the pump, re-assembled the waterfall and drained the rain barrels into the pond.  I went in the warm house dejected, my hands were bruised, bleeding and cold, I dried off and warmed up with hot tea and a cookie. What a stupid day!  I had been out there from 10:30 am to 3:45 pm trying to catch a fish who clearly did not want to be caught..... fine!  But it had made me a little crazy as you can see by the last hour of the day.

Oh Dear! 

I'm making peace with this, have another cookie! 

 

Butch rolled in after dark (Noon around here these days or so it seems) and said I only see one fish in the pond.  WHAT?!!! I grabbed the flashlight and peered into the murky darkness of the pond and there at the bottom of the pond was that gold flash I had been looking for, everywhere!  ED LIVES!   Ok where the hell was he?  I took out big rocks, small rocks, muck, his buddy the frog!  Fine, I'll catch you tomorrow.  I was so happy!  I have been trying for a week to catch this stupid fish!  It has made me crazy! 

I have not put the interior rocks back and yet he still finds places to hide or squish into where I can't get to him.  I changed his name to Trump; he is orange, fat and slippery as hell!   So this fish might be wintering in the depths of pond, I might calling the pond Mar-a-lago, there is enough muck and sludge still remaining and apparently a few secret hiding places and I really don't care.  

Meanwhile speaking of big and fat and orange....... this showed up in the rain.  Rufus the neighborhood cat.  He has a lovely family but they needed to escape for a couple days, but the other neighbor takes really good care of him, lets him out, feeds him, spends time with his little brother and leaves the garage door cracked so he can get out of the rain and cold.  He has a very cushy life but he stands by my back door crying and I am such a push over and I am so allergic to cats but I just love them so I let him in.... 

it escalated quickly...... 

and then he found Ralph.....

and standing on your hind legs is just too hard so.......

and finally......

He departed shortly after a nap and a few more snuggles.  As he left I had the box of Kleenex under my arm and my red eyes were teary and itchy ..... see ya tomorrow Ru.  Took a shower, washed my clothes, washed down the chairs in the back room and vacuumed.  Ya, it was worth it 😁 

Its December, let the festivities begin!