Hit the ground running....... hello January!

I love January!  The desolation is wonderful; the wildlife move back and the humans are holed up in holiday food coma.  I try to get to the beach as often as possible, Kirby is grateful for January too. 

 

So much has transpired since last posting!   January is a month I try to get my ever growing "to-do" list wrangled back into something I can live with.  Clean the studio, order clay and go pick it up, annual taxes, sales tax, colonoscopy....... ya finally did that little trip.  Tried to get in right before covid hit two years ago and well we all know that story.  Then garden season hit and then show season hit and knowing my family history and my age that little voice became louder and louder about 1 AM.  So I called ....... kill me.   I have a chiropractor who has kept me vertical for 40 years.  I almost never get sick and then it's just sniffles and a day in bed takes me back to GO.  We are very lucky, I think.  

My Dad was hypochondriac and my Mom was the opposite. "you know they start poking around, they're just gonna find something."  And my Dad who drank Metamucil like Koolaid would just shake his head while she muttered under her breath:  Jesus Christ, his gonna shit himself to death.  I am a happy blend of both. 

As two years passed and that nagging voice kept yelling at me in the middle of night I was pretty sure I would be told I had terminal colon cancer, go home and put your affairs in order and we will see you on the flip side.  Yup, that is exactly where I was, so when I had my video consultation with the butt scope guy I had pretty much resigned myself to death.  The consult lasted 10 minutes, on a Friday afternoon, he was matter of fact, prescribed a "new and much better PREP", and see you on Tuesday at the clinic.  OH, Ms Miller, would you be interested in our research study?  Will it help to eliminate colonoscopies?  Perhaps.  OK I'm in.  During the call I explained I didn't eat the traditional 'merican diet of cheese, meat, fat and white bread and ate pretty clean......... except at the holidays.  So he prescribed some stuff called Su-Tabs.   Never heard of it but it was supposed to be so much better that drinking gallons of the other stuff. 

The research lab called me right away and seemed surprised I would volunteer.  You need to give blood.  Fine.  I do home renovation and garden, I give blood regularly.  Well since this is your first colonoscopy your are eligible for 3 studies.  Can you come in Monday at 8:30 am.  Sure!  Monday morning I ran up, gave 11 vials of blood, brought home a cologuard test and picked up the prescription for Su-Tabs.  When I got there she said; We found 4 other studies you qualify for.  Cool!  I would participate no matter what because I have kids and we have a family history of polyps and cancer.  Told the tech.  I want my kids to go to a drive thru;  Here sit on this and download the app.  we'll be in touch in 5 minutes.  My hope for the future and anybody who has family history.  Both arms punched, blood drawn, poop in a can and she gave me something called a clinic card with $750.  WHAAAAT?    WHAT IS THIS FOR?  My van has bumperstickers (more than one) that state loud and clear: "I BELIEVE IN SCIENCE"  The more data you have the quicker we can move this forward.  The tech said they need 125,000 people to participate and they have a hard time finding people to participate!  They thought money would be a good a motivator.  Are you kidding me?  How about your kids might be able to get a blood test to find out if they had the DNA linked to certain cancers?  I asked the tech; so science is taking a hit, even here?  She confirmed.  

 I just don't get it.  However I took the money and bought a new phone.  I had been using a hot spot and a crappy old phone that really didn't work; gonna be a game changer.  

Anyone contemplating a first time colonoscopy I don't think I'd take Su-Tabs.  First off, as I don't do Dr's and medical stuff and I don't have a GP Dr.  this was mind numbingly terrifying.  I had a midwife to deliver my babies and my labor was 10 minutes on the first and 20 minutes on the second ( and I wanted to know what was taking so long!).  Kids were born at dawn and I was home for lunch.  I hate all this stuff! 

Monday night with bruised arms, I downed 12 large pills and drank 16 oz of water.  Waited 20 minutes drank another 16 oz. Waited another 30 minutes and drank another 16 oz of water and waited and waited and waited and googled.

while drinking I decided to read the pamphlet that came with the new and improved PREP.

 ALARM!

and so here is how it went.......

I am here now......... nothing to eat since Sunday night and scheduled for colonoscopy at 2:30 pm on Tuesday.  I am so sick I can't even talk right now.  This is the new and improved stuff, Bullshit.  Took 12 pills at 5 pm.  was supposed to kick in by 7 or 8 pm.  Well it sort of kicked in at 1:15 am... I have been up all night, bloated, chills, nausea, headache.  Took a hot shower, got on my bike at 2 am and rode like the wind for 30 minutes.  Drank hot tea, drank hot water 5 glasses.  Collapsed on the bathroom floor at 5:15 am.  Crawled downstairs at 7 am to take another 12 pills and mandatory 16 oz. of water while Kirby danced at the back door.  Suited up in hat, boots, gloves, goose down parka and rain slicker because it was -1 at 7 am.  On the way back to let the chickens out and give Kirby his morning toot I promptly threw up in the fire pit.  Hmmm no white pills just water and an awful acid taste.  Let the chickens out, Kirby face skied all over the backyard while I puked again and even better shit my pants.  I just stood there, looked up at the moon and said; Take me.  Wrangled the dog back in the house, fed the dog and ran up to burn my clothes and shower.   So on a -1 day in January I was sitting on the crapper and puking into a trash can while my clothes laid in a pile staring back at me.  Honestly I have no words but death was looking real good!  

Butch came home and drove me up to the clinic I prepared for I don't know what but wished I had eaten a handful of glitter before this butt scope!  If you're gonna die go out with sprinkles.  The one saving grace of all this......... they let me keep my alpaca socks on.  Rolled me in, I passed out and woke up 20 minutes later with a clean bill of health.  

Two years of stress just disappeared.  There were projects I had put off that are now viable.  And I have a new phone to record everything! 

Back on my bike 40 minutes everyday, filling a couple orders and I'm sitting here in our first winter storm with the wood stove burping and the coffee is hot.  The taxes are done (as I was sure I was dying).  

 Best news, I don't need to go back for 10 years and I hope it's a drive thru with an app! 

January just sort of sucks sometimes.......